So many adventures. So few times.

My photo
My life is pretty dull. I play with a toddler, watch a lot of Yo Gabba Gabba and experiment with the crock pot. I have no bed time and I find humor in Laffy Taffy jokes. Conan O'Brien is my anti-drug.

Wednesday, February 20, 2019

Loud Noises!1!!11!

FALSE ALARM! I repeat: FALSE ALARM! No cancerous growths, thank God. I had a 3D mammo and ultrasound by a gaspy, panicky woman who freaked me out and a lovely woman who I’d actually met previously and thought very highly of. I’ll let you decide which is which. 

Ultimately: 


Thank you and much love to all of you who sent luck and prayers and warm & fuzzy thoughts my way.  

Monday, February 18, 2019

Monday Musings of a Boob freak

Recording my thoughts as I drive and as I sit in a parking lot and while I am in the radiology waiting room. I can’t remember how this started. Middle of the night insomnia, and a self-exam out of 3 a.m. boredom. 


Yes, I don’t actually know anything. Yes, the statistics are in my favor. All of the statistics. I am under 40 years old and I am healthy. While I did have clogged ducts while breast-feeding I never developed mastitis. There is no history of women in my immediate family developing breast cancer, at least not that I know of. And yet here I am, after going in to question a lump I discovered a few weeks ago. Here I am less than a week later, rushed in for a mammogram that I thought I would not experience until my 40s, when I would have to begrudgingly make that silly appointment. I have to get an ultrasound on my right breast to find out what those- not one – but two large lumps actually are. And I’m confident that it is nothing. Except right now I am not confident. Yesterday? I was OK. Saturday evening I was swell, with a beer in hand and sarcasm in my voice as I talked to a friend about her experiences with silly offices and boobs and whatnot. But on this sunshiny but cold Monday I am scared to death. 


It would be more likely that I would get hit by a semi in an intersection and die from that than to have breast cancer, which doesn’t even necessarily translate to fatality. But here is the bile in the back of my throat and the insomnia for days on end from unspoken fears and here are the jittery and watery scatterings in every interaction I have today. 


I had a huge binging episode on Saturday and briefly again on Sunday. But I also drank away my fears with a good friend who had loads of excellent input and made me laugh and had pop culture references that were on par with my own. Teary-eyed texts went to another who I miss dearly and know has been through a similar situation and would be holding my shaky, clammy hand right this effing second if she could.


And then today I stupidly searched Google for images of what a positive ultrasound looks like just in case it comes to that. I googled what it would look like to have a cyst or to have one of the many other possibilities of this foreign mass in my body and then I dragged myself into the shower and cried for 30 minutes straight. I wrote a workout for this evening’s gym HIIT class that seems a lifetime away but really is only in 3 hours. I forced myself to eat some ham lunch meat to stop the coffee churning in my stomach, and then I sat and watched a fluffy movie. I gave my kids extra hugs and watched them play sweetly (and bicker just the same). I dry-heaved until I didn’t and ridded myself of the measley protein I had consumed. I grasped my husband tightly before I left the house. 


And now I can’t delay any longer, and I have to leave my car and all I want is to curl into my children and my husband and love and be loved. 




But instead, it’s time to squish a boob and take a super expensive picture. 


Let’s do this.

Monday, December 24, 2018

This is my Grown Up Christmas List

With just one more wake up until Christmas, I'm sure you are all panicking on what to get me for this magical holiday. But thanks to our good friends at Amazon.com there is still time to send me (or someone else, I guess. Harumph.) a unique and kind of amazing gift with it only being a hot second late. Check out my little list of cool do-dads I've found in the last few days for just about every price range!



This sweet little camera setup gives you instantaneous images for all your selfie-loving selves. 




Carry your library books for all your snot-nosed babes in retro-chic style.




Wanna keep a secret? So does this subtly-cool leather bracelet with your own message printed inside.






Married to the gym? Not one for arm candy? Ditch the Fitbit and slip into something a bit more subtle - this activity tracker ring is a waterproof way to track your steps and heart rate without smashing your device with a kettle bell swing.




Step up your beer-in-the-shower-pregame routine with an innovative beer and wine glass holder with super strong suction so your glass is never too far from your reach. Afraid of dropping said glass with slippery hands? Pop a bendy straw in your pinot. Duh.




Green thumbs, rejoice! Eat fresh even in the most frigid of seasons with this magical all-in-one aero-garden.




Sunday, November 25, 2018

Unexpected Packages from The Ho Ho King

The other day I was grabbing piles of catalogs and Black Friday fliers and late-to-postmark political advertisement slicks (for all I know. Seriously. I keep getting these and that was so last month) and among those was a brightly illustrated large envelope. Assuming it was a faux key to a local car dealership running some shenanigan promotion, I was majorly close to tossing the package. Last second I decided to glance at whatever junk was inside, and BLAMMO. I basically committed mail fraud because the letter was so totally not addressed to me.


Again this year I utilized the thorough and fear-inducing positive-attitude-motivating site and service, www.packagefromsanta.com! Killer met it with her typical suspicion and then excitement, whereas the Moose experienced nothing short of pure elation and joy. Kid almost pooped himself, he was so excited! 





The Silver package includes: 
  • A personalized (and editable) letter from the Big Guy himself
  • Personalized Nice List certificate (because maybe seeing it in writing helps these rottens actually act like they deserve to be there)
  • 8 1/2 x 11 photo of Mr. Kringle - perfect size for framing and adding to your Pinterest-worthy hallway gallery wall, ya'll!
  • Personalized Santa flight plan - my kids freaked out about this, seeing Wisconsin with a big ol' star 
  • Special shipping label addressed to your child - not to you. See the above paragraph. Do not commit a federal crime by opening your kids' mail. Duh. 
  • Genuine North Pole Stamp(This is the really good stuff!)
  • Personalized video greeting from Santa!
  • Personalized call from Santa!
  • Personalized Nice List Guide

Plus, you have the option to upgrade to even more goodies - and trust me, there are a lot more options to spoil and/or scare your kids to death. Packages start at $14.95, making this a great affordable gift for a friend's child - it isn't just another dang thing to get broken in a few days, it's an experience that years from now they'll remember and think about in a non-jerk way. 
AND AND AND! My readers get 25% off at www.packagefromsanta.com using code FAM2060! Bam!






Sunday, November 11, 2018

My own slice of mama worth

Ever feel that, as a woman, your sole worth is the dinner you put on the table? Or that your worth is based around folding every recently-soiled-but-now-pristine piece laundry AND put said garments away AND still have time to work out for a tight little bod while simultaneously also cleaning toilets and maintaining your own personal hygiene? Because, hygein. Plus, kids must be baby geniuses and well-rounded (God forbid they watch Teen Titans Go to the Movies fourteen times in 24 hours. Apparently that’s shameful).

This kid here? She's chalk-filthy.
I’m not that mom. I’m trying to be that mother and wife and it simply isn’t me. Between anxiety and ADHD, I’m lucky if I can focus long enough to rinse out the conditioner in my hair. Teeth brushed and clothes on my own not-so-tight bod before 6:30 when I wake up at 5:30 to get a head start? We’ll see... 

Spoiler: my kids don’t brush their teeth before bed. They also close-handed punch each other and, occasionally, I pretend not to notice so I don’t have to juggle the drama with all of the above other nonsense. I can keep trying. I am still trying. I still need something for me, though, and it has become more and more achingly obvious in the last year or so because sanity = gone. 

So much library train table time. So. Much.
I mean, I want to write more. I do. This is a reprieve for me. Often though, when I have to make a choice in my afternoons between wiping off the counters and then taking Tommy the Moose to the library or sitting long enough to update the happenings or come up with fresh content, Imma choose library entertainment, 11 times out of 10.

But between those moments of imperfection and stress I have found a niche in working out. I know that’s totally cliché, but the endorphins really do help with all of the above. Plus I have connected with so many amazing people through the last few years I’ve spent sweaty time with at my local gym, people that I truly have found a connection with or can call friends/buddies/someone I can mutter cuss words to during exhausted moments without that awkward beat of uncertainty... maybe because of all the times I have come to the gym stinking of the night before’s bottle of wine. Gross. True, and way more obvious after I’m sweating, but gross.



Blah blah blah. My point is, I can officially (and so happily) say that I am a no longer a basic stay-at-home-mom. Starting November 1st I am teaching classes at my sweet little piece of exhausting, satisfying heaven! With last Thursday being my inaugural class (unofficially - I did sub for my friend’s kickboxing class a few weeks ago) I can definitely say that this wasn’t a mistake. I thought I was going to vomit all over the floor before class started from nerves and eyeballs drilling into my forehead, but by the end of it I had hit my groove and was feeling great. Tired, but great. 

So, local folks: Thursdays at 9, at Four Lakes Athletic Club! Please let me beat you up! I promise it will hurt only a little. 😉

Getting on the Christmas Choo-Choooo!

Ready for this? It's time to be ready.
Oh yes.
Start a magical Christmas family tradition that your child will cherish forever!
Give the one-of-a-kind memorable EXPERIENCE of receiving a package from the big guy in the red suit... Santa!
Every package from Santa includes both tangible and technological delights including:
* a personalized Santa letter that arrives in the mail
* a personalized VIDEO starring your child, via email
* a personalized PHONE CALL
* a personalized printable NICE LIST GUIDE
* and the option to upgrade with even MORE goodies!

Get 25% off every package you order using code FAM2060
This uniquely personalized gift experience creates Christmas wonder and excitement that your offspring will never forget! Have your camera ready to video every step of this special Santa experience! It all starts at the mail box when the Package from Santa arrives from the North Pole! Delight in the process of making Christmas magic come alive in a very personal way for your child, grandchild, niece, nephew, or any little one you know!

This esteem-building personalized gift is an amazing experience of memories, wonder and happiness!

PackageFromSanta.com has options for EVERY BUDGET starting at $14.95 with an array of add-on goodies to choose from. Create a custom package for each child!

Get 25% off every package you order using code FAM2060

EVERY package comes with:
* Personalized letter from the HoHoHo King
* Santa's special North Pole return address label
* Genuine North Pole stamp
* 90-day money-back guarantee
* Free personalized video
* Free personalized phone call from Santa
* Free personalized printable nice list guide



Order this holiday must-have for your child at https://www.packagefromsanta.com/

Get 25% off using code FAM2060

Sunday, September 16, 2018

This coffee tho.

So I just blew my own mind.

The other day I received this charming little blue teapot from FabFitFun, and I was immediately smitten (If you don’t already know, tea is sort of the peanut butter to my jelly). Anyway, in much darker and sadder news, I also recently thought I would start drastically cutting my caffeine to see if it helps with my anxiety, especially since that anxiety nonsense has been escalating lately and I hate hate hate every anti-anxiety med I’ve tried. A little lifestyle change seemed to be much less toxic for me.

But I love coffee.
Like pink puffy hearts and unicorns and Lisa Frank stationary and HBO-miniseries-type love it. 

So this morning, I decided to put Dunkin Donuts decaf in the filter basket, use my electric kettle to heat the aqua and see how freaky things could get. 

HOLY CRAP.
Like the beautiful coffee oils and rich flavor without bitterness and just... ahhh...
But also, this tea pot, amiright?!



Also, if you want to discover things you didn’t even know you needed (because this pot alone covers the cost of FFF for a season and I also got a $100+ Vince Camuto tote and bath salts and an adorable umbrella and SO much more!) definitely check it out  I can hook you up with $10 off your first order! 😘