The Buffy

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My life is pretty dull. I play with a toddler, watch a lot of Yo Gabba Gabba and experiment with the crock pot. I have no bed time and I find humor in Laffy Taffy jokes. Conan O'Brien is my anti-drug.

Monday, October 17, 2016

Sewing Tutorial (for the lazy seamstress)

Like about 800 million gazillion women between the ages of 23 and 85 in the United States, I freaking adore LulaRoe. LLR. Lula. Roeing with my homies. Lullz (Okay, I made that last one up). My girl Heather has her very own LuLa Shoppe that I pretty much treat like my own extensive closet/private shopping center, with over 2300ish pieces at any given time. Ya know, unless I've been there. At that point the count is more like 600 or something. 

If I had my way, I'd own hundreds of the Carly dress. It's not really all that flattering on me, but it is SO comfortable! I was going through some of my fabric stash this morning and was wracking my brain for a new project, when a light bulb went off and I decided to attempt my own rendition of a Cary! We'll call it a Buffly. But, as the title of this post suggests, I'm really damned lazy. And here we go. 

First, I took my dress off. Because seriously, I wear them ALL the time.  

I decided to make my own pattern using my dress as a template. FYI, you will need about 2 yards of a knit fabric/something with stretch, a zig zag stitch, and an optional 1/2 yard or so of contrasting knit fabric for the sleeves, pocket and neck band.

My stupid, lazy, first hack of the day is to use a couple chip clips to keep the fabric folded in half. Otherwise the skirt goes crazy, the shoulders get kitty-wompus. It's a whole thing. So fold the dress in half, tuck the draped back of the skirt up so you don't follow it, do the same for the neck and get to drawing on your paper. Be sure to add about a half inch for the seam/ messing up.
Got it?

Now take the chip clips off, fold your dress again the other way so the back of the dress is exposed and do it all again! 

Trace the basic shape of the outer sides of the sleeve. I know it seems weird, but when you cut the fabric you'll have the shoulder part of the sleeve on the material fold.

Cut out the pattern, pin it to your fabric on the folds, cut out your fabric, admire the pieces you have obtained.  

Sew the shoulders and sides of the dress, and then sew the sleeves so they make sweet little tubes. If you want, you can take this weird moment to hem the bottom of the dress, which I know should technically be saved for the end but it's the least fun moment and the second the item is done I just want to throw it over my face. So yeah, I hem right now too.
Don't you love my super technical image above? 

Okay! The sleeves! This is where it gets sexy. Turn the sleeves right side out. Ya know, like how you'd normally wear them. Shove them inside the dress (which is inside out) and pin them together so shoulder meets shoulder, pretty side meets pretty side. Sew that nonsense together.


I eyeballed the size for the standard Carly/Buffly boob pocket and neck band, both cut in contrasting fabric. So... yeah. You're welcome for my lack of help. This neckband tutorial is the The neck band should be approximately 24 inches long by about 2 inches wide. As for the pocket, this tutorial makes it stupid easy.
Guys, I know it probably seems like a lot of nonsense, but this dress was SO easy to make! I think the majority of the time spent was me figuring out why my thread kept getting jacked up - surprise! The machine was threaded incorrectly! It only took me a few hours of my life to figure out that one.

Don't want to go through all the effort of making your own super cute, custom Carly (or Buffly, whatever) from one you already own? Check out my favorite consultant on earth, Heather! She is so sweet, so generous, and she runs giveaways CONSTANTLY. You're welcome. 

Thursday, October 13, 2016

My Thursday gift to you

Anyone want a little Thursday inspiration and/or do you want to feel really clean and/or completely normal? 
My house isn't filthy, but it's definitely messy. I've been ignoring it for a full week.

You're welcome. I guess it's time to get to work?

Wednesday, September 28, 2016

Wednesday Tales

These are the things I need to do today:
1. Contact the beautiful woman who is going to be babysitting my children this weekend.
2. Break down the 8 million Amazon boxes in my kitchen and sewing room.
3. Call my mama
4. Figure out dinner. I'm thinking something in the slow cooker.
5. Actually start the dishwasher since the slow cooker bowl and lid is in there
6. Laundry
7. Laundry
8. Ice my knee
9. Laundry
10. Clean the upstairs bathrooms

What have I actually accomplished today?
1. I watched a marathon of Handy Manny. Also note that Tommy left the room a long time ago. 


Tuesday, September 20, 2016

Attack of the zombie knee, day 5

These may not look like much to you, but this is a huge effing deal to me. I have so much more flexibility this time around postop than I did last year during cannibal knee. I feel stronger, I feel braver to push myself, and in complete honesty I feel a little stupid. Mainly because I know if I push myself too hard going to end up with a knee three times more swollen than the than the average bear and I keep pushing myself anyway.

But whatever, I have to get to 90° bend by a week from Thursday, and I'm pretty sure I'm going to get there. I'm almost there now already! As far as straightening  my knee it's almost there. Or at least as straight as I could ever get after cannibal knee. (As a refresher, cannibal knee = last year's ACL replacement using my own tendon. Zombie knee = last week's replacement using a dead person's body part.)

That's kind of it. I really don't have much to say. My days revolve around keeping Tommy just entertained enough that I can ice my knee in peace while borderline tripping on Percocet. Far too much online shopping, far too much day dreaming and zero accomplishments to date. Aside from helping my girl Heather with her LulaRoe business I haven't done crap in days. In about a week and a half? I'm going to have ALL the laundry.

Sunday, September 18, 2016

Zombie knee VS. Cannibal knee (Day 4)

I decided to undo all of my ace bandages  today so that I can let my leg kind of air out. With all of the swelling the bandages were really cutting into my leg which adds a super sexy factor to the freak show that is my knee. So anywho, I got everything unwrapped and I'm looking at it and it really isn't all that bad. In fact I kind of feel like the zombie knee isn't even nearly is horrific as the previous surgery knee. I guess we'll call that cannibal knee? You know, because they used my own tendon to replace my ACL? OK yes. So cannibal knee was far more horrific and blood and guts and murder scene than zombie knee.

If you look closely, the line in the middle of zombie knee is the main scar from cannibal knee.
Emma comes upstairs a few moments ago to see zombie knee.  She's really investigating it, but from a distance. Then she announces, "You need to go ahead and put that away now. Dr. Lyon will be super mad at you for showing me. You'll have to live at the hospital." She then literally backs out of the room with a green face and runs down the stairs! Apparently my tough five year old isn't so tough when it comes to her momma being cut open. Wimp. 

By the way, I did poop last night. You're welcome. I know everyone was waiting with bated breath.

Saturday, September 17, 2016

Recovery day 3: The Zombie Strikes Back

So it's Saturday, post op day three. My in-laws took the kids for couple hours today which was pretty much the biggest blessing I've ever experienced. Brett was just about two minutes away from choking them. You know, envision Homer and Bart Simpson with the eyeballs popping out, etc.  Me thinks dude isn't cut out to be a stay-at-home dad.

Today has actually been kind of rough. I was doing good, and then I got really groggy without even taking any medicine. I rested for a while, I woke up and went
outside for a few minutes. Not too long after I got back in the room my stomach started burning. A few minutes after  I was vomiting. Super sexy, I know. No fever, no other symptoms other than slight lightheadedness and a burning stomach. I guess I might as well just lay around then. (Which is hilarious because WTF else would I do right now?!) Note that zombie knee itself isn't all that bad. My foot looks very Fred Flinstone-esque, but my is golden.

Boredom is making me shop online. I have bought more shit in the last 24 hours then I think I have in the last six months. The worst part? I still don't have a damn thing for Brett's birthday which is the 24th. If anyone has any grand ideas pretty please forward them to me ASAP. Chances are he already has whatever you pick out or he really doesn't want it. Hence my frustration.  Dude is kind of a jerk sometimes. But bless his heart, he's my jerk.

Oh! I got a shower today! Or, well really, it was a sitting in a lawnchair spray down. Can't get the incision wet. Pffffft! At least I smell slightly less disgusting in my hair is a slightly less greasy mop. Score! 

For those of you keeping score at home, I still haven't pooped. You are welcome. 😘😘😘

Friday, September 16, 2016

Recovery Day one of the zombie knee

This won't be long because it's almost 2 am and, well, it's really damned boring. I woke up post-op today to find out my ACL was jacked up (AKA 'worst case scenario') so I had to have the full ACL replacement by way of donor or cadaver or allograft or whatever you want to call it, with the meniscus trimming nonsense. Henceforth my left knee will now be referred to as my zombie knee. 

Got home, PTFO, actually ate which is kind of huge because last time I didn't eat for days. Around 7 Brett comes rushing upstairs to announce Emma has a fever and needs to come home. She's my resident bad ass so when she gets sick? It's heartbreaking. A few minutes ago she came in for her nightly bed hogging and gut kicking (some people would call this snuggles. I call those people mistaken assholes). For the sake of zombie knee I crutched it to her God-awful bed. And here we are! 

Retainer selfie in the dress I've had in all day! CHEEEESE!