11/2 - Wind

Its a powerful moment when you realize you're doing too much. You're carrying too heavy a load. You're slipping. 

I have to slow down.  

Not everyone is intended to endure much more than a breeze.

Storms are creeping in cast me toward the tide and the winds are whipping at my body. I'm looking back and forth from the safety of the sand and the angry waves of commitments and subtle but sincere acceptance of projects and fundraisers and volunteer opportunities and shuttling shorties from one extra-curricular to the next, all in the name of socialization of the middle-class.

I don't want the waves. I don't want to drown at sea. I want sanity and safety and the comfort of my husband and children in the evening hours. I've come to dread the middle of each month with how overwhelmingly windy they seem. Its only November 2nd, but I'm already staring at the calendar for next week with dread. 

11/1 - Heartbeat

The sun is intense today and reflecting off the roof of my office. There is a steady drip drip drip from the gutters and it feels as though today has its own rhythm. Today has its own heartbeat. drip drip drip

As I start another day in my periwinkle office, another morning of warming water for tea and watching the sun wake up the neighborhood across the highway,  I feel so fresh. There is a fresh dusting of snow and the spooky season is now done. Its time for family and friends and celebration of blessings. drip drip drip

Its steady. The day is steady. I'm slightly crazy from lack of sleep and repercussions of a bad decision (fueled by the shortage of my ADHD medication) that came to a head in the middle of the night. I drifted back off to sleep, only to be woken time and time again by that reminder of my sloppy spontaneity. By 3 am, I gave up hope and succumbed to the allure of my digital addiction. drip drip drip

My office mate, Gus, needed a break so we headed outside for a short walk in the cold sunshine. As he sniffed and lifted his leg and dug and pulled, I had an intense feeling of belonging. Being where I belong. Contributing, assisting. Comfort of security. Nothing is perfect, but I'm helping make change. drip drip drip

And now here I sit midday, feeling ready to make plans and hopes and goals for the new month. I'm moving forward in the next phase of my 39th year and the typical anxiety of this time of year has lessened. November feels good. drip drip drip