So many adventures. So few times.

My photo
My life is pretty dull. I play with a toddler, watch a lot of Yo Gabba Gabba and experiment with the crock pot. I have no bed time and I find humor in Laffy Taffy jokes. Conan O'Brien is my anti-drug.

Wednesday, February 8, 2017

To the awful human who kind of rubbed my back

To the management of Massage Green Spa in Brookfield, WI, Corporate Headquarters, the therapist I experienced, and anyone else who may be a potential client of this establishment;

I regret not writing sooner. I regret not being more assertive at the verbal abuse I was treated to. I regret whispering my frustrations to the woman working the front desk as instead I should have been loud. I should have warned the other customers.

I purchased a Groupon, so apparently I was not considered a valid customer.

On  February 3rd at 11 am, I had a scheduled massage at Massage Green Spa, located at 17440 Bluemound Road, Suite B in Brookfield, WI. I arrived early and excited, as I had sore muscles from exercise and parenting and life in general. I hadn't been sleeping well and I was ready to relax. I'm a pretty chatty, upbeat person so if the therapist was a talker I could definitely handle it, but overall I was prepared to ask for quiet so I could potentially fall into a deep rest mode. When I scheduled the massage, I had asked for a relaxation massage. When I checked in, I asked for a relaxation massage. When I filled out the form, I stated that I wanted a deep tissue relaxation massage.

The therapist came and retrieved me a few moments early and immediately started asking questions. This is typically a good sign, yes? He asked about why I had asked for no work done on the front of my knee - I explained my most recent ACL replacement. I was then asked if I still exercised and was then told he could tell because of my 'bulky man muscles'. (ha!)

I am man muscles. Hear me roar

I should have ran from the room. He asked about my job or work. I stated I was a stay at home mom.
He then told me, "This is the problem with Americans. This is a disease that they won't work." I don't have an income, so I am by default lazy.


Once on the table, he had me start on my stomach. Typically I've had therapists ask me to start on my back, but everyone is different. He spent about 10 minutes barely touching my neck, back, hips. He was "assessing". While making said assessments, he asked about my diet. I told him I typically ate lean protein and vegetables and fruit. He proceeded to scold me about how I am eating dead protein and I should never eat meat. My kidneys aren't getting fresh blood because I don't drink pureed carrots or other pureed fresh vegetables that have the consistency of blood, which is why I was dealing with insomnia last week and the week prior (FYI, I had sinus issues. As soon as those cleared up, I miraculously started sleeping again).

He still hadn't actually started working on me.

20 minutes into the process, he pressed on my hip, and then explained to me that my muscles are weak and covered in fat. He asked about if I had a family and I told him briefly about Emma, my sweet but challenging daughter who is too damned smart.
FYI, she needs acupuncture among other things. Oh, and I need to completely change her diet and some other random tidbit. Also, I should look inside at how I am as a mother, because I'm apparently a bad one.

Every time he opened his mouth, I could feel myself tensing for the next series of verbal abuse. I almost asked him to let me leave 30 minutes into the session, because I was simply laying on the table face down, crying. I wish I had been able to record his comments so I wouldn't forget any of them. I wish I had gone to any other establishment other than the one I went to. I don't know how many times I asked him if I could just have quiet.

He never stopped.

As my 50 minutes were up, he stated that next time I get a massage, I should request a gentle relaxation massage. Um... I did. However, he never once had me turn over. He never once touched an area outside of my hips or shoulders - namely, my right shoulder even though I asked if he could work on my left. He never worked on my IT bands as I had very specifically asked. He never did ANYTHING. He did tell me however that as a woman I should be focusing on fixing myself so I can be sexually attractive to my husband and other men. Because clearly that is my sole value and goal in life - how sexually attractive I am.

And like a fool, I just laid there as he verbally abused me.

When I went to the front desk after, I told the woman briefly about what I had experienced. She shrugged it off as a language barrier (the man had an accent but spoke extremely clear English). She stated that he was their most requested therapist. She suggested I go ahead and schedule another session with him so he could focus on another area next time. When I was adamant that I would never make a point to see him again, she said that if I wanted she could go ahead and schedule me with someone else then.

WHAT?! Why would I ever go back to this place? Why would I subject myself to the lack of attention, lack of relaxation and verbal abuse?

I don't know what I expect writing this. I know I couldn't keep this to myself another moment. I know contacting the specific location would be fruitless as I had already been brushed aside. My purchase had been redeemed so I was no longer of value to them. I have never been treated so horribly, which is saying something because I've been treated pretty bad in the past.

Extremely horrified former customer

Wednesday, February 1, 2017

The post in which I am honest with myself and you

January 19th loomed near, and then it passed. I didn't update about my weight or my body or my health.
You know why?

There wasn't any update. I didn't gain, but I also didn't lose. I didn't feel any stronger or weaker. I didn't have any new measurements to add. I didn't feel much of anything, and I'm pretty sure I know the reason why:
I was treating my body to (and like) crap. I've been consuming more calories, yes. But I've been more so consuming empty or junk calories. I've been substituting my water consumption with candy here and there. Or coffee. So much coffee. And soda. Diet soda is still soda, folks.
More alcohol. Unfortunately alcohol calories are not non-existent calories.

I've been avoiding the gym more. I have all the excuses in the world why I can't go, and I'm often far too "tired" or "busy" to head downstairs to the basement for my own little homemade gym. I've got so much of the equipment I need to get myself stronger and faster and healthier and instead I choose to be upstairs. Away from it.

It's February 1st today - a new month, yes. 55 days from my 33rd birthday. Another day closer to a day older. Why not today? Why not right now?
Please, don't wait until next Monday. Don't wait until after the Super Bowl to make lifestyle changes. Don't wait until March 1st or May 1st or June 15th to change your  life. I want to be better and more energetic and more enthusiastic for my kids. I want to be sexier and healthier and stronger for my husband. I want to be all those things and more for myself. I want everyone reading this to do the same. Consider your family. Consider the example you are setting for your kids. Consider yourself. Be kinder to yourself.

I'm not selling a thing. I don't promote a product. I'm not trying to make a profit. I'm tired of SO MANY FRIENDS telling me how worried they are about me. When I was heavier, one of my best friends drunkenly told me she was scared for me. I wasn't drunk at the time. I was very much aware of her statements and comments and they burned my soul. Now that I'm thinner people tell me they worry about me and that I'm obsessing too much with my body.

I'm telling you now, I'm not obsessing too much. I'm caring for myself, something I should have genuinely started and not just pretended to do a long, long time ago.