So many adventures. So few times.

My photo
My life is pretty dull. I play with a toddler, watch a lot of Yo Gabba Gabba and experiment with the crock pot. I have no bed time and I find humor in Laffy Taffy jokes. Conan O'Brien is my anti-drug.

Sunday, November 25, 2018

Unexpected Packages from The Ho Ho King

The other day I was grabbing piles of catalogs and Black Friday fliers and late-to-postmark political advertisement slicks (for all I know. Seriously. I keep getting these and that was so last month) and among those was a brightly illustrated large envelope. Assuming it was a faux key to a local car dealership running some shenanigan promotion, I was majorly close to tossing the package. Last second I decided to glance at whatever junk was inside, and BLAMMO. I basically committed mail fraud because the letter was so totally not addressed to me.

Again this year I utilized the thorough and fear-inducing positive-attitude-motivating site and service,! Killer met it with her typical suspicion and then excitement, whereas the Moose experienced nothing short of pure elation and joy. Kid almost pooped himself, he was so excited! 

The Silver package includes: 
  • A personalized (and editable) letter from the Big Guy himself
  • Personalized Nice List certificate (because maybe seeing it in writing helps these rottens actually act like they deserve to be there)
  • 8 1/2 x 11 photo of Mr. Kringle - perfect size for framing and adding to your Pinterest-worthy hallway gallery wall, ya'll!
  • Personalized Santa flight plan - my kids freaked out about this, seeing Wisconsin with a big ol' star 
  • Special shipping label addressed to your child - not to you. See the above paragraph. Do not commit a federal crime by opening your kids' mail. Duh. 
  • Genuine North Pole Stamp(This is the really good stuff!)
  • Personalized video greeting from Santa!
  • Personalized call from Santa!
  • Personalized Nice List Guide

Plus, you have the option to upgrade to even more goodies - and trust me, there are a lot more options to spoil and/or scare your kids to death. Packages start at $14.95, making this a great affordable gift for a friend's child - it isn't just another dang thing to get broken in a few days, it's an experience that years from now they'll remember and think about in a non-jerk way. 
AND AND AND! My readers get 25% off at using code FAM2060! Bam!

Sunday, November 11, 2018

My own slice of mama worth

Ever feel that, as a woman, your sole worth is the dinner you put on the table? Or that your worth is based around folding every recently-soiled-but-now-pristine piece laundry AND put said garments away AND still have time to work out for a tight little bod while simultaneously also cleaning toilets and maintaining your own personal hygiene? Because, hygein. Plus, kids must be baby geniuses and well-rounded (God forbid they watch Teen Titans Go to the Movies fourteen times in 24 hours. Apparently that’s shameful).

This kid here? She's chalk-filthy.
I’m not that mom. I’m trying to be that mother and wife and it simply isn’t me. Between anxiety and ADHD, I’m lucky if I can focus long enough to rinse out the conditioner in my hair. Teeth brushed and clothes on my own not-so-tight bod before 6:30 when I wake up at 5:30 to get a head start? We’ll see... 

Spoiler: my kids don’t brush their teeth before bed. They also close-handed punch each other and, occasionally, I pretend not to notice so I don’t have to juggle the drama with all of the above other nonsense. I can keep trying. I am still trying. I still need something for me, though, and it has become more and more achingly obvious in the last year or so because sanity = gone. 

So much library train table time. So. Much.
I mean, I want to write more. I do. This is a reprieve for me. Often though, when I have to make a choice in my afternoons between wiping off the counters and then taking Tommy the Moose to the library or sitting long enough to update the happenings or come up with fresh content, Imma choose library entertainment, 11 times out of 10.

But between those moments of imperfection and stress I have found a niche in working out. I know that’s totally cliché, but the endorphins really do help with all of the above. Plus I have connected with so many amazing people through the last few years I’ve spent sweaty time with at my local gym, people that I truly have found a connection with or can call friends/buddies/someone I can mutter cuss words to during exhausted moments without that awkward beat of uncertainty... maybe because of all the times I have come to the gym stinking of the night before’s bottle of wine. Gross. True, and way more obvious after I’m sweating, but gross.

Blah blah blah. My point is, I can officially (and so happily) say that I am a no longer a basic stay-at-home-mom. Starting November 1st I am teaching classes at my sweet little piece of exhausting, satisfying heaven! With last Thursday being my inaugural class (unofficially - I did sub for my friend’s kickboxing class a few weeks ago) I can definitely say that this wasn’t a mistake. I thought I was going to vomit all over the floor before class started from nerves and eyeballs drilling into my forehead, but by the end of it I had hit my groove and was feeling great. Tired, but great. 

So, local folks: Thursdays at 9, at Four Lakes Athletic Club! Please let me beat you up! I promise it will hurt only a little. 😉

Getting on the Christmas Choo-Choooo!

Ready for this? It's time to be ready.
Oh yes.
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EVERY package comes with:
* Personalized letter from the HoHoHo King
* Santa's special North Pole return address label
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* Free personalized printable nice list guide

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