I recently got braces. Ya know, the metal things they glue to your teeth for an absurd amount of money with the end goal of straighter teeth or a healthier jaw alignment or to correct a problem that could even affect your digestion. Yeah. I got braces. And I'm having a seriously bad time with my self esteem.
I already have issues with my weight. It's the truth. Since having my daughter, I've lost a little over 40 pounds. But when I look in the mirror, I see myself 40 pounds heavier than when I started. I joke with my friends and probably come off conceited with my appearance, but really I have issues with how I look. I hate the way my hips flare out. I hate the way my muffin top floats around even when I'm not wearing too-small pants. I hate my larger-than-average calves.
But I'm working on it.
I was getting better. I swear, I was. I was starting to see myself as a beautiful woman. I was starting to see myself as an athletic, strong woman as much as a mom and a wife and a friend and a doggy mommy and everything else. I ran the hell out of my treadmill. Jillian Michaels wants a piece of me? Okay, cool. Let's do two videos back-to-back.
And then I got these things. My chompers hurt like a dirty word, and the idea of running even a week and a half later makes me cringe. Cringe, I say! I'm eating more than soup now, but I don't even have motivation to eat healthy. I want to shove as much chocolate ice cream into my face as my gut can hold. While wearing yoga pants. Three day dirty-yoga pants.
I don't even like complaining audibly, because look at all the 12 year old monsters who are going through the same oral torture and aren't even letting out a peep! I might as well be 12. I hate my appearance about the same as I did then. Oh, and did I mention that I'm suddenly getting acne?! Sexy, I know.
So, my question to my readers: How do you boost your self esteem? How do you look in the mirror and see your face as a beautiful one? How do you see yourself naked and not shudder with disgust? I want to be a strong woman for my gorgeous little girl. I want to teach her to love herself, to not doubt her appearance.
I'm not looking for pats on the back, I just want to love myself again.
When I look at my picture, all I see is teeth.