So many adventures. So few times.

My photo
My life is pretty dull. I play with a toddler, watch a lot of Yo Gabba Gabba and experiment with the crock pot. I have no bed time and I find humor in Laffy Taffy jokes. Conan O'Brien is my anti-drug.

Friday, March 15, 2013

Railroad Mouth - the Self Esteem Issue

I recently got braces. Ya know, the metal things they glue to your teeth for an absurd amount of money with the end goal of straighter teeth or a healthier jaw alignment or to correct a problem that could even affect your digestion. Yeah. I got braces. And I'm having a seriously bad time with my self esteem.
I already have issues with my weight. It's the truth. Since having my daughter, I've lost a little over 40 pounds. But when I look in the mirror, I see myself 40 pounds heavier than when I started. I joke with my friends and probably come off conceited with my appearance, but really I have issues with how I look. I hate the way my hips flare out. I hate the way my muffin top floats around even when I'm not wearing too-small pants. I hate my larger-than-average calves.
But I'm working on it.

I was getting better. I swear, I was. I was starting to see myself as a beautiful woman. I was starting to see myself as an athletic, strong woman as much as a mom and a wife and a friend and a doggy mommy and everything else. I ran the hell out of my treadmill. Jillian Michaels wants a piece of me? Okay, cool. Let's do two videos back-to-back.

And then I got these things. My chompers hurt like a dirty word, and the idea of running even a week and a half later makes me cringe. Cringe, I say! I'm eating more than soup now, but I don't even have motivation to eat healthy. I want to shove as much chocolate ice cream into my face as my gut can hold. While wearing yoga pants. Three day dirty-yoga pants. 

I don't even like complaining audibly, because look at all the 12 year old monsters who are going through the same oral torture and aren't even letting out a peep! I might as well be 12. I hate my appearance about the same as I did then. Oh, and did I mention that I'm suddenly getting acne?! Sexy, I know.

So, my question to my readers: How do you boost your self esteem? How do you look in the mirror and see your face as a beautiful one? How do you see yourself naked and not shudder with disgust? I want to be a strong woman for my gorgeous little girl. I want to teach her to love herself, to not doubt her appearance. 
I'm not looking for pats on the back, I just want to love myself again. 
When I look at my picture, all I see is teeth.


  1. OH Buffy, I love you! Seriously, when I see pics of you I always see a confident beautiful woman. I guess, I wish you could see yourself through my eyes because you're obviously not seeing what the rest of the world sees. We all go through phases where we don't feel as pretty as we used to...and as for the acne thing? Yea, at least you had a break from it. I'm still rockin' it 20 yrs later. I honestly thought that by the time I started seeing lines on my face the acne would be gone. (apparently not in my world!)

    When I get in a rut, I stare at old pics of I from different phases of my life. Once upon a time I had a TIGHT body, but not so much anymore. Once upon a time I didn't have crows feet, but now they're daily reminders that I'm no longer 20. SO Then I move on & try to pick out what I liked best about myself back then. Then, I look at myself now and try to find a hint of those same features. It turns out I really like my eyes, smile & hair. Those are the 3 things that haven't totally crapped on me over the years. (Yet anyway!) So, I do what I can to accentuate them. I quit cutting & straightening my naturally curly hair and I just let it do it's thing. I get tons of compliments and the wild hair distracts people from my crows feet! I also go for make-up that accentuates my eyes & lips...I want to stay focused on my positives. Finally, tell your hubby that you need some retail therapy. Go, pick out some clothes that are girly and flattering. We do not have to weigh 100 lbs to be beautiful. As for the braces? Well...I have no advice there. When I had my braces I was going through the absolute most awkward phase of my life. You couldn't pay me to go back there! ;)

  2. Woman! You. Are. Gorgeous!! Seriously. As for the flaring hips or whatevs, I'm pretty sure that you are the only one who sees them. When I look at you, I see that pretty smile {yes, even with the braces} and that light that radiates from your eyes. You are so beautiful, inside and out!

    As for a confidence booster, I would say, get your arse back on the treadmill and get those endorphins going again. They always do wonders! And stop bringing the chocolate ice cream into your home! If you are raving chocolate that bad, make some of that yummy chocolate {avocado} pudding that Sarah invented. It's delish! Also, stop keeping all of this stuff inside for so long. You have girlfriends all over the world that are just waiting to reach out and give you big, perverted Internet hugs! I love you, woman! Cheer up!

  3. Buffy! You look amazing! Having known you way back from high school, I am always amazed at how you stay looking so good! Especially after having a baby :) I still tell people I am trying to lose my baby fat and he is now 6! You are truly an inspiration to me! Look at some of those horrendous cheer-leading pictures from high school- that's what I do when I need a pick-me up. Nothing makes me laugh more than those horrible taupe nylons, my bad haircut, and fuchsia lipstick :)

  4. Oh Buffy, what am I going to do with you?!?!?! You are a beautiful person on the inside and out and don't even get me started on your fabulous sense of style!! But I know exactly what you mean. Even at my skinniest, I would still see the old 60 lb heavier me in the mirror. Which cracks me up because when I was 60 lbs heavier, I saw a thinner person in the mirror and was always shocked when I saw pictures of myself. Damn mirrors! I am still about 20 pounds away from my wedding weight and 30 pounds from my goal weight and not a day goes by when I don't think about that. How do I still love myself and like who I see in the mirror? I cut myself some slack! I remind myself that I am a wonderful woman who is improving every day and that I'm raising a smart, quirky, beautiful daughter. I am doing everything that I can without going insane. I smile on the bad days and I love myself no matter what because if I don't love myself, why should anyone else love me. And that's what I want to teach my baby girl. The most important thing in life that we as woman can do is to love ourselves. Love ourselves to make the right decisions or learn from the bad ones we've made in the past. Love ourselves to treat ourselves with respect otherwise no one else with. It's all about love and love is forgiving so of course I'm going to be forgiving with myself first and foremost. Hang in there girl and start doing some affirmations because you deserve them!